What Could Have Bean
by The Nerdinator
Summary: The Continuing Adventures of Phineas and Ferb, S1E4. Inspired by a Pinhead Pierre cartoon, the guys build a mountain made entirely of beans; Perry tries to stop Doofenshmirtz from using his reduce-inator to make less of things he doesn't like; Susanna begins her first attempt at curing Candace of her busting obsession.
1. Theme Song

**Somewhere, in an alternate universe...**

 _There are seventy-five days to summer vacation,_

 _Before school comes along just to end it._

 _So the annual problem for each generation_

 _Is finding the best way to spend it._

 _Like maybe:_

 _Crossing a tundra, giving tours on a rollercoaster,_

 _or skiing down a mountain of beans._

 _Creating a system for remembering everything,_

 _Or synchronizing submarines._

 _Meeting ghost patriots, taming tiger sharks,_

 _Or making a self-driving car._

 _Cleaning a time machine, stretching a rubber tree,_

 _Or whaling away on guitars!_

 _As you can see, there's a whole lot of stuff to do,_

 _Before the new grade this fall._

Phineas: C'mon Perry!

 _So stick with us, 'cause Phineas and Ferb are gonna do it aaaaaaaaaaaaaall!_

 _And with Susanna's help, Phineas and Ferb are gonna do it aaaaaaaaaaaaaall!_

Candace: Mo-om! Phineas and Ferb are making a spinoff!

Susanna: Seriously, Candace?


	2. Bean Mountain

**AN: This fic is set on June 19, 2013.**

* * *

Phineas and Ferb were watching TV.

But it wasn't just any old TV sitcom they were watching. They had found an entire marathon of old "Pinhead Pierre" cartoons.

"Dad would be so happy if he knew there was a Pinhead Pierre marathon on the Old Cartoons channel," Phineas said to his brother, who nodded in agreement. "And I can see why. This is a pretty good cartoon."

On the screen, Pinhead Pierre was skiing down a mountain. Unlike other mountains, it was multicolored: streaks of purple, yellow, and green dotted its mottled brown landscape.

"Whoo-hoo!" Pierre whooped as he reached the bottom. "Boy, was that fun! I just love coming over to Mount Pinto during the summer. It's the best bean mountain there's ever bean!" He chuckled at his pun. "Hey, Ranger Black?"

"Yes?" an African-American man dressed in a park ranger uniform asked him.

"Take me up on that ski-lift. I want to see if we can re-fry some bits off the peak."

"As you wish, Mr. Pierre."

Back in the real world...

"Well, that was culturally insensitive," Ferb noted.

"Yeah. Doesn't anyone respect the natural beauty of a mountain made entirely out of beans?" Phineas asked.

Ferb gave him a look.

"Oh, that. Well, considering this cartoon first aired in 1953, that was culturally acceptable then. But it never should've been..." he trailed off as on the show Pierre set to work frying a rock made of kidney beans.

"A mountain made of beans seems like a lot of fun," Phineas said. "Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today! We'll build an exact replica of Mount Pinto. We're gonna need a lot of beans."

"Oh no you don't," Candace said, barging into the room. "I'm in charge while Mom and Dad are at work. And if I find _one little bean_ outside the refrigerator, you are sooooo BUSTED!" She left as suddenly as she had entered.

"Well, a gigantic fridge _would_ make for a more accurate simulation of Mount Pinto's climate," Ferb noted.

"Yes. Yes, it would. Hey, where's Perry?"

* * *

After making sure no one was around, Perry put on his hat and jumped into the glove compartment of the Flynn-Fletcher station wagon.

* * *

"Good morning, Agent P," Monogram said after the platypus had arrived. "Recently, our sources have told us that the traffic on the city's busiest highways has suddenly decreased. So suddenly it could only be: **Doofenshmirtz**. Like the new dramatic voice? I've been working on it all day."

Perry looked at him, confused.

"Anyway, get out there and stop Doofenshmirtz from making other things suddenly decrease. Good luck."

After Perry left, Carl asked "So does this mean I can visit my mother and come back before the traffic resumes?"

"Well, I guess **you could _._** "

"That voice is scary, sir."

"That's the whole point."


	3. Broad Ideas

(Quirky worky song as the guys build a giant refrigerator)

"Okay, the fridge is done," Phineas said, stepping back to admire his handiwork: a gigantic refrigerator 12000 feet tall. "Hey Buford? You know how you have molds of all of us?"

"Yeah?" Buford asked.

"That's still very creepy, no matter how many times I remember it," Isabella noted.

"Yes. Yes, it is," Phineas said. "But I was thinking, and now I have to ask: do you have a mold of Danville Mountain? Its dimensions are pretty much the dimensions of Mount Pinto in the cartoon."

"Yeah, I have that one," Buford said, pulling it out of nowhere.

"May I ask where you got that from?" Baljeet asked.

"Nope, you can't," Buford said, grinning. He set the mold down inside the refrigerator with a _WHUMP!_

* * *

Inside the house, Candace was busy reading a teen magazine.

"Even _I'm_ not that skinny," she muttered as she flipped through the pages.

The shockwave from Buford setting the mold down knocked her off the couch.

* * *

The gang was now filling the inside of the mold with quadrillions of beans.

"Aren't you too young to be making a mountain out of produce?" a passerby asked Phineas when he went to fetch another wheelbarrow of cranberry beans. Said wheelbarrow was about five times the size of him, and was motorized like a go-cart.

"Yes, yes we are," he replied.

The passerby shrugged. "Still don't know where you're getting all those beans from, kid."

"Susanna's doing that," Phineas replied. He pointed to a red-haired girl at the helm of what looked like a photocopier. She waved at them. "We need some more string beans, Suz!"

"On it!" Susanna began typing away. " _Phaseolus vulgaris_ , set ripeness to low..."

And just like that, a slow, steady stream of green beans began to tumble out of the machine. The passerby shrugged and left.

"Phineas and Ferb!" Candace screamed, tromping into the yard. "What are you doing here?"

"We're making a mountain of beans like in Pinhead Pierre!" Phineas called back to his sister as he raced the wheelbarrow back to the mountain. Once there, he unloaded the wheelbarrow into a bucket. The bucket was then taken to the top of the mold via a conveyor belt. Once there, Ferb and Baljeet emptied the bucket into the mountain's top.

"And what is SHE doing here?" Candace asked, angrily pointing at Susanna.

"Calm down! I'm just sitting here photocopying beans."

"But you're helping them. You are all so BUSTED!" With that, Candace left.

"How long has she been like that?" Susanna asked Isabella.

"A few years, I'm afraid. She used to support the guys, but something...changed." Her mother sighed. "I just don't understand."

"Perhaps I should do something." She got up. "I'll be right back."

"No, Susanna, wait! ...Oh, bother."


End file.
